S.O.L.= Stasis or Limbo?

i had to repeat this story till my jaw needed axle-grease.
definitely not something im proud of. but then pride had always been the demon i loved mocking. so lets have it.
got charged with two military offences as of friday. Something about inappropriate usage of property and disobedience of general order. the thing about how language works in any law book, even one as inane as the army's, it so fucking vague anything u do can fall well into its impact crater. what really happened should be a fable for all kids of adam and eve. don't eat that tasty fruit, or you could cause the end of the world.
digressions aside.
got called back for a saturday duty in the guard house. its 24hr borefest so people think of ways to entertain themselves. i brought a book and a coupla cds. i was done with the book by lunch. i didnt have anything to play the cds with. so i trooped down to my office and fished out the laptop and brought it back to the guard room. The process is a lot more complicated, involving keys and signatures, but lets not bore with the details. Lets just say i processed the key without the signature. so me and the guys there played music for the day. i packed the laptop and hid it away from view lest anyone thought silly ideas. they proved to be my silliest idea yet though. The next morning's handover was a fucking mess. and i had to trot back and forth around camp like a mad hatter to get things settled. that is absolutely no excuse for completely forgetting about the laptop, but thats just wat this fucking fool did.
i forgot.
i booked out in a flair of dramatic irony, in a state where nobody saw the laptop and nobody knew where it went.
monday came and passed. i was on course on the other side of the island, when this side panicked over the possibility of a breach in security. some ninja apparently infiltrated the camp, entered a secured office and left with a laptop, without a trace. i was oblivious to that until saturday evening when someone called and asked if i knew where it was. so there was me in the impact crater, wondering what hit me. 'holee shit. its in the guard room. i completely forgot to return it.' this was after the camp already alerted the higher commands about that darn ninja.
long story short. i got drowned in shit. they found the laptop where i found it and everythings intact. but the possibility that it could have been stolen or that it could have been a real ninja, or that the ninja could have worked for al qaeda is the shit im drowning in. so i got charged. In their defence, it could be considered a severe breach in security. i most definitely did make a humongantus mistake. i gave a lotta people a lotta trouble.
and i really really could have been a evil terrorist. im evil enough, i just forget things too often for osama to trust me.
disclaimer: i seem to be making too light of this entire thing. but i need a momentary timeout from kicking myself between the thighs. 'you are your greatest enemy' was a saying i took to heart long ago. and its become an obsession. times like these i get fantasies of hara-kiri with a charred stake, digging my own innards full or burnt splinters with my own useless hands. nothing suicidal, u understand, thatd be far too easy a backdoor.
mom and dad finally realised what i meant when i told them i've already said to myself whatever they wanted to say to me. i know myself well enough to know which buttons hurt the most when pushed, so lets just. keep. pushing.
didn't want to make her cry. i know parents need to get it out of their system, to say something when we fuck up, to somehow punish us. whether by pain, emotional blackmail, financial blockades or just mental torture. to make it seem like they're doing their job. to make them feel like they won't make anymore mistakes with this fucked up loser of a son. i understand, i let them say it.
but one thing that snapped me, is when they say i dun seem like im guilty, or repentant. that i don't know the gravity of the problem or that i don't care. i keep a straight face, but i do give a fuck. i AM disappointed in myself, i AM extremely pissed at my stupidity and i absolutely appreciate my worthlessness thank you.
at least now you know.

i was facing 10 days in DB. i was already resigned to that fact, up till the point i marched into the CO's office in the dead of the night. When he read the sentence to be 12 days of SOL, i must've been a little too surprised to react. i had mumble a reaply after being jabbed by somebody.
Its 2 days more, but its a lot more lenient a sentence. At least i get to type all these down.
i know i got a lotta people to thank. ppl spoke up for me where least expected. i'm still stunned. and im thanking them still, not in so many words, because there are better ways to do so.
but one thing my parents wanted of me were words. they wanted me to thank god.
come to think of it, i might have mouthed those words, but seldom have i truly said it.
so um
owe ya one, Pops.

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sta·sis
n. pl. sta·ses
A condition of balance among various forces; motionlessness: “Language is a primary element of culture, and stasis in the arts is tantamount to death” (Charles Marsh).

lim·bo1
n. pl. lim·bos
Word History: Our use of the word limbo to refer to states of oblivion, confinement, or transition is derived from the theological sense of Limbo as a place where souls remain that cannot enter heaven, for example, unbaptized infants. Limbo in Roman Catholic theology is located on the border of Hell, which explains the name chosen for it. The Latin word limbus, having meanings such as “an ornamental border to a fringe” and “a band or girdle,” was chosen by Christian theologians of the Middle Ages to denote this border region. English borrowed the word limbus directly, but the form that caught on in English, limbo, first recorded in a work composed around 1378, is from the ablative form of limbus, the form that would be used in expressions such as in limb, “in Limbo.”