diatribe

had a discussion about judgement last night
don't even know where to start.
it is within human nature to judge i suppose. in fact, i do believe judgement is what separates homosapiens with the other creatures. Theological or not, we are created with a distinct awareness of ourselves. This consciousness of our existence also allows us to realise we are a factor to the macrocosm about us. The choices we make influence a fabric of reality beyond our immediate being, it affects not just the physical world we are in, but most definitely other individuals. one of those first things we probably did wrong as dumb little kids was to not realise that. who knew if you decided to pee all over uncle sam, he'd be pissed? Forgive the pun-- but then if given that choice i'd still pee on Uncle Sam if i could get away with it.
oops.
Point is, we don't yet realise how we could affect others- that is, until we find out that others affect us too. If Uncle Sam pissed all over you (like he's doing to just about everyone now), i'd think you'd be rather upset. so maybe ala carte urinating can't be too good. ;)
take a bit of a thought-jump, and it might bring us to realise where judgement is rooted. Discerning wrong from right, evil from good becomes an organic education. The bible laid down the commandments, society lays down the morals and pompous polititions lay down the law. These judgements of human choices and actions in life base themselves on universal pretexts of what should be good for others in general would probably be good for the individual.
one way to look at it, seems like we're brought up in a world that insinuates the instinct to judge. Beyond the basics aforementioned, we're starting individually to judge others for their worth, status, appearances... and, once in a while, we might even consider their personality.
Is that a good or bad?
who am i to judge that? without judgement, without rules or principles, society degenerates to a state with as much civility as the animal kingdom. even so, all morality and ideals stem from rather unrealistic absolutes. Judgement, whether we'd admit it or not, draws us to decide towards a conclusion in the black-or-white. anybody would be a fool not to realise we teeter consistently on the in-between, as well as the contradictory. Grey areas plague us everyday, and i guess it gets easier to be apathetical and cynical to it all than to constantly try to tell ourselves we were wrong amd have to reevaluate our preconceptions about somebody. It doesn't get any easier when people know enough to present themselves to ease you into a favorable judgement.

but i digress. who gives a flying fuck about all anthro-apologies.
i got smacked in the face in that discussion. somehow, it seems like i always believe im right.
personally, i find that one of the biggest insults ive had the fortune to be stabbed with.
i do not, at any moment, believe whatever i say to be universally right or true. im not quite that much of an idiot.
au contraire, i live knowing ive been wrong with so many things in my life. one thing i know i'm right is that i never am. i learnt about myself the best way- which is the hard way. it is not self-doubt, self- deprecation, or self-conscious that i cross-examine myself constantly. because there simply is no 'self' here worthy of any recognition.
and in that line of thought, i consciously refrain from placing judgement on anyone, without first doing that to myself. and after that, its simple maths to realise i am absolutely in no position to judge.
i always believed the best judgement you ever make is one made against yourself.
i know my fuckups, and i know very well my own problems. and i always try not to give voice them until i've resolved it with myself. Ultimately, who gives a shit about the trip-ups of a fool?
and it becomes excruciatingly frustrating when someone comes along the way and tell me i don't know im wrong. even a fool learns not to lift his head after he's been smacked in the face so many times. especially when i was once dumb enough to think that turning the other cheek was actually a good solution.
how far have you looked into yourself before saying that to me?
if you really did, you'd know you wouldn't say anything remotely like that.