orbital dysfunk

you left on a roadtrip.
spinning on a beeline, trying to gather enough velocity to be thrown off that orbit you weaved with so much toxic dust.
you hitched on so many rides you never thought you'd be on.
Maybe they know where they are going. Maybe you did, maybe you had a map. But you rolled the pieces with tobacco and smoked it into harsher lungs, and flushed the rest down the drain with as much intoxication.
maybe if you throttled fast enough in that plastic spaceship, god would find more competent toys to play with. While stocks last. Batteries not included. Each sold separately.

And after all that, hey, the air suddenly smells familiar. A little devastated by tsunamis of carelessness, yes, but that washed up blanket is the same one you woke up from. Yesterday, or two months ago.
you're right back on the other side of the same place.

you have a new suitcase of masks and cosmetic lies. They are better painted by a more practiced brush. we could keep them. we should.
shut up. don't worry about that.
how the fuck do you lie to yourself if you don't know who you are.
shhhh.

if the last two months were any indication, you still have that much of yourself to murder.
sitting down, with your closest friends and a choice intoxicant, you find yourself pathologically unable to unearth the the troubles and hitches within you. How do you untie a self-binding knot in the blind?
Still can't get past thinking that your problems are only yours to deal with. Your insecurities are secured behind a lock whose key you swallowed. Still refusing to admit you're too bloodied from the punches you threw yourself every single night. Arrogant in knowing how you nip any possibilities of pride in the bud with that blunt rusty knife. Indulging shamelessly in the ironies of you.

So why put all these in words now? One thing you know, your words know you better than you know yourself. And perhaps if you wrote in second-person perspective, you could displace yourself enough to spell things out. And perhaps if your allegories get convoluted enough, you'd still be encrypted in your status quo.