et spiritu sancti

if i ever loved a song so ironic for me:

LILIUM

Oh si usque edita victus sapientia
et lingua deus no praetendiese
Beatus vir qui suffert tentationem
Quoniam cum probatus fuerit
accipient coronam vitae
Kyrie ignis divine eleieson
O quam sancta,
quam serena,
quam benigna,
quam amoena
O castitatis lilium
-Yukio Kondo and Kayo Konishi,
performed by Kumiko Noma

which roughly translates as,

the mouth of the just shall meditate
and his tongue shall speak judgment
blessed is the man who endures temptation
for, once he has been tried
he shall receive the crown of life
O lord, O holy fire, have mercy
O who sacred
who serene
who benevolent
who lovely
O lily of purity

i sometimes wonder where i stand with the guy upstairs...

post-borneo syndrome

im feeling like crap.
the kind that you extricate out of your system after a mad buffet of rotten food with chemical coloring, spiked alcohol with triple espresso, and way too much self-induced anti-depression pills.

im feeling like crap.
im getting sick.
at least i hope im just getting sick.
bleah.

for those who smoke,
are there more boxes of matchsticks
or more packs of cigarettes sold each day?

for those who love,
are there more who buy the flame, however temporal,
or more who are just addicted?

fuck. who cares?
every cigarette starts from a fire somehow anyway.